Year 2, Day 192: Back in Lagos

We made it back.

12 hours there and 12 hours back.

A long journey.

I have seen parts of Nigeria that I had never seen before.

It was very green. Raw, undeveloped, natural but I wouldn’t say beautiful.

2 main ‘take homes’ from the trip:
First, I met a Rainmaker. I’ll tell you all about it some other time.
Second, I met a 14 year old girl whose school fees for a term is N2,000 (approx $12.5 or under £10). That’s roughly what I spend on my lunch each day. She was one of the people serving at the reception and my cousin had given her a tip – N2,000. She then came back to say thank you cos she’d been worried about paying her fees and now with his tip, all was sorted. So two other friends gave her N2,000 each to pay for the other two terms and I gave her N2,000 just to hold. I hope she does pay the fees.

Year 2, Day 191: Road trip

We’re going on a road trip.

Lagos to Orokam, Benue State. Don’t ask cos I don’t know. I do know that it is outside Lagos state but still within Nigeria. Geography was never my strong point. I also know that it’s meant to be an eight hour drive – taking into account that’s on Nigerian roads, it’s probably actually a four hour journey the way the crow flies.

Moving on.

We’re going for my cousin’s wife’s dad’s funeral. I’ll give you a minute to read that again.

I’ve never been up to that part of Nigeria so am looking forward to seeing it. When I was moving back to Nigeria, my plan had been to go out of Lagos once a month and discover Nigeria. Didn’t happen. So am always grateful for these kind of trips.

Having said that, there’s an underlying anxiety about the trip. If you listen to all the stories, road trips around Nigeria are not exactly that safe at the moment. If you listen to all the stories, there are kidnappers lying in wait all along the way. If you listen to stories like the one that my sister attended an engagement last weekend and one of their friends and her mum were kidnapped on their way to the same engagement. But I am trying my best not to listen to stories.

I should also add that the last time our family drove up to Orokam, Benue State they got robbed and my grand aunt was shot.

So, reasons to be anxious.

But let’s move on to more pleasant things.

I mentioned that this is a family trip. There are about ten of us going – my mum, my aunt, three uncles, two cousins and a partridge in a pear tree. It should be fun. No sarcasm. My mum’s side of the family are manic. My biggest concern is getting them to stay quiet long enough to let me sleep. They are close and as a result we cousins are close. As they would say, they don’t send anybody (ie they don’t give a damn). They have no airs or graces and they are full on. And a lot of what and who I am, I owe to them.

So, it should be fun.

Final thought: there’s a film with Bette Midler & Shelley Long – can’t remember the name at the moment – and in one scene, they are going through Harlem and Shelley Long is all panicked cos they are the only white people. Then Bette Midler goes “no we’re not. There’s another person over there.” And Shelley Long turns to look and says “where?” Bette Midler replies “oh, they got him.”
(it’s much funnier when you watch it.)

Catch you on the other side.

Year 2, Day 190: It’s darkest before the dawn

Forgive me. It’s been many days since my last post.

I’ve got a good reason. It’s been a rough couple of weeks. For the first time this year and first time in quite a few months, I had to pay salaries late.

And I hate that.

I think it’s actually been the worst we’ve ever had. Or rather, taken the longest to get salaries paid. And the irony is that all those other times, we didn’t have the money but somehow a few days after salaries were due, we’d find a way (usually a loan) to get some money in. But on this occasion, we actually have the money, in that we were just waiting for payment from another company.

Still doesn’t make it feel any better.

So I know my colleagues read my blog and didn’t want to write anything cos felt it would be emotional blackmail. The bottom line is that salaries were late and how I feel about it is to a certain extent irrelevant.

Anyway, it’s been paid and I’ve got to say that almost all were understanding and patient. One of them even lent us money so that we could give those who were desperate a bit of cash to hold on to! Humbles me.

So let me say thank you to all of them – almost all – for dealing with it so well. We’re getting there, honest we are.

Year 2, Day 189: What does it say about us?

On Monday 29th April, Mike Adenuga turned 60. For those of you who don’t know who that is, Mike Adenuga is one of the richest men in Africa. If you speak to his people, they’ll argue that he is the richest.

Anyway, he turned 60 on Monday – I think. And in one of the national newspapers the day after, there was an 88 page insert of ads people had placed to say happy birthday. 88 pages worth. They had to create an insert to cater for all the ads. And apparently it was like that in the other newspapers.

88 pages.

At about N500,000 per page, that would have amounted to N40million (approx $$250,000) in ads. In one newspaper, on the day after his birthday.

As you can tell by the way I keep repeating 88 pages, it kind of freaks me out.

A media agency that produces an annual report on media spends states that the 2nd or 3rd highest category for ads in papers is “Personal paid”.

With N40million on just one day in just one newspaper, I’m not surprised.

I’m sure I’ve asked this before but I’ve not found an answer. So again I ask or say, I wonder if it happens any other country? And I also wonder what it says about us as a nation?

Year 2, Day 188: Left at the altar

I heard a great song on the radio yesterday: “4Evermore” by Anthony David. Okay, this will sound stupid but I listen to the radio to hear songs.

Hm, Tolu, this may come as a surprise but that’s what most people listen to the radio for. DOH!

Yes I know but I’m not really a music person and I like discovering new songs – not new as in recent but songs that may have been out a while ago but I just heard them.

Anyway, I digress.

What I do is I hear the song, try and catch some of the lyrics, unlock my phone, open up the Memo function, search for the memo called ‘Music’ and jot down the lyrics I heard! And sometimes, I’ll then open up the browser and do a search on the lyrics, and hey presto I get the name of the song and the artist. Then when I stop driving and get back to my desk, I’ll open YouTube and search for the song – and probably download it.

Again, I digress – all this isn’t what I want to write about, I’m just giving you the background so that you get the full picture.

So, I heard the lyrics “Forever more is a mighty long time…”, did the search, got Anthony David’s name and the song title and checked it out on YouTube. Nice song and the lady singing with him, called Algebra – who the fuck name’s their kid “Algebra”. I mean, you cannot be that mean.

Okay, let’s stick to the story.

The song features Algebra who is very pretty. The video is about a couple about to get married and it’s their wedding day and the bride & groom are getting dressed – separately as one would expect. And in one scene Algebra, sorry, wonder what her nickname was in school? ‘Maths’? ‘Fractions’?

So Maths is sitting at a dressing table and appears to be wearing just her bra.

Cut to another scene and she’s now walking down the aisle – you see her from behind – and I swear that my first thought is that she was still just wearing her bra and the scene was meant to be some sort of wedding nightmare she was having. But then the camera changes angles and this time you are watching her walking down the aisle towards you and then I realise that she was dressed all the time – just that her dress is not only off the shoulder but off the back as well.

And I’m sorry but I think ‘skank’. Great song, pretty girl but ‘skank’. I’m no prude  – trust me, if you know me, you’ll know I’m not but I think what she was wearing would have been more appropriate for the wedding night when we are about to get naked and… not what you ear to get married.

But hey, what would expect from someone named Fractions.

Then something popped to mind; from what I remember, the groom pays for the dress but doesn’t get to see it until the wedding day. And I just thought, man if tI had been the groom, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have asked for the balance of the money cos there really wasn’t that much material used to make it. And I’m not sure I would have gone ahead with the wedding.

Which made me think, what would you do if your intended turns up wearing something bloody hedious/wrong/outrageous/etc. Would you still go ahead or call it off?

I remember a friend of mine saying that there’s a particular physical trait he hates and if he’s walking down the aisle with his bride to be and sees someone with that trait, asks who it is and she says it is some distant cousin, the mere fact that they are related, he’d call the whole thing off.

And no he didn’t tell me what the trait was.

Year 2, Day 187: Am I still me?

I was at a function with a friend I hadn’t seen in about 10 years; a good friend from my Uni days which means she’s known me now for over 20 years. Anyway we bump into someone I sort of recognise but can’t remember. It’s been happening to me lately which is freaking me out that maybe my not remembering is because of age. But then I ask her if she recognises the person, if it is someone I ought to know. She says no and I say ‘phew. I’m not recognising people nowadays’. And she says ‘you’ve always been like that.’

And I realise that’s true.

I can’t remember anyone from my primary school days. I don’t remember events. And I’m really bad at dates as in years – I’m never any good at those ‘name the year x happened’ games/conversations.

And it got me thinking, am I still the same person I have always been?

But then again, I also remember that I used to have a temper as a kid. I’m talking about when I was 9. But I don’t anymore – except when I’m driving.

Also, I used to think Porsche was an ugly car but give me one today and I’ll be forever grateful. I also didn’t like Ready Salted crisps – boring. But now, they’re really the only flavour I like.

But other than that, I really can’t think of much else that has changed about me.

Is this who I am destined to be?

Year 2, Day 186: Even the evil have faith

Someone I know got kidnapped a few months ago.

I think they held her for about 2 weeks before releasing her.

A ransom was paid.

I haven’t seen the lady since or heard the full story but I did hear this:

Apparently throughout her captivity, one of the kidnappers would get up every morning and pray. To God. The same God she, lying there petrified and in pain, prayed to.

One of his prayers was that God would help them get the ransom money paid quickly.

I find it amazing. And curious.

Is it that he doesn’t realise that what he is doing is wrong?

Or does he see himself as some kind of Robin Hood – so he is taking from the rich and giving to the poor? I mean, come on, let’s be honest, we do celebrate Robin Hood.

Or has he sat there and seen the churches praise politicians and successful business people who really ought to be condemned? And so if what they are doing is okay, maybe what he is doing is also okay. So maybe he tithes on his portion of the ransom money. And the offering plate doesn’t burn up in flames in some prophetic sign of God’s rejection of his money.

During the fuel subsidy protests that happened at the beginning of 2012, there was a sign/placard that became the defining image of the protest. The sign read something like “very soon the poor will have nothing left to eat but the rich.” Is this a manifestation of that. So he feels justified in what he is doing?

Something just hit me: Whose prayers were answered? She would have been praying to get released, as he was praying to get the ransom money. Both got what they were praying for.